


lovesick girls

by saltyvenus



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Angst, Cigarettes, F/F, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:01:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyvenus/pseuds/saltyvenus
Summary: but we're still looking for love.or; madison falling back into old habits.
Relationships: Zoe Benson/Madison Montgomery
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	lovesick girls

**Author's Note:**

> i miss these girls so much, so this is just a really short fic w not a lot of development ahah...but just rather madisons train of thoughts and feelings after coming back and how overwhelmed she is with seeing zoe again
> 
> title: lovesick girls - blackpink

when madison finally comes back to the coven, after mallory’s long awaited arrival, she realizes that some things don’t ever change. the old floorboards still creak under her feet with every step she takes with her valentino heels, and there’s still a coffee stain on the white kitchen wall where she remembers throwing her mug at queenie all those years ago. 

but most importantly, aside from the ugly decor that continuously surrounds the house even now, madison also realizes that people never change - not in the way she expects them to, anyway. 

she knows this, when she struts into robichaux’s academy, preferably for the final time, and she’s immediately engulfed into a hug by cordelia’s motherly arms. though, madison notices that she’s still the supreme, and still, very much,  _ not _ dead. well, not dead  _ yet _ , if she doesn’t take her hands off her. 

it’s a weird feeling for cordelia to suddenly act like this, but madison hopes she’s just had it in her this whole time, and that it’s totally not because she feels guilty for letting her die and having her corpse rotting in her bedroom upstairs. 

nevertheless, madison returns her hug, can’t even remember the last time she’s had proper human interaction like this, so she soaks in the attention for once, and for just a second, when her eyes open slightly, her gaze settles on zoe from behind cordelia’s shoulder.

it isn’t even for a second, not even a moment, madison doesn’t quite know when zoe got here, or how long she’s been standing there. but seeing zoe benson again feels like a sharp prick in her hollow heart, she feels like falling six feet under one more time, and madison completely forgets how much she hates being alive. 

xx 

being back in her old room really rubs madison in the wrong way. she can almost sense the suffocating tension around her neck, how she couldn’t even grasp a gust of air in her lungs, madison blames her smoking habits and her weak immune system due to that, but it doesn’t hurt any less. 

although, she’s kind of happy when she finds out that zoe never threw out her bed. the dusty old thing is tidied up neatly with fresh bedsheets and pillows, and before madison lets a smile overtake her face, she internally bashes herself for wondering just when did she become so soft? it was but a bed, a gross, probably cursed, one at that.

but of course, it wasn’t all about the bed. it was about zoe too. 

madison didn’t hug her down there, when she was swamped by her fellow witches. obviously - she wasn’t like that. hell has changed her but it never made her a sappy person. in fact, she barely acknowledged the other girl, even when madison’s been through another timeline where it didn’t end up like this, where her futile attempts ended up in failure and the only thing left of zoe was an empty body. she still thinks it’s better like this, to not get too close again.

there’s no apocalypse this time, and her and mallory don’t live in constant fear anymore, but madison does have a taste for pain, and she’s certain that straying from zoe will sort of cleanse the atmosphere back to normal. she hopes.

“fuck.” madison grits through her teeth, yanking her old nightstand drawers open for any trace of a cigarette. the kind she likes, she remembers keeping a spare hidden somewhere. she’s pretty sure they don’t make that brand anymore. 

it’s tucked away in the corner, and madison grabs it hastily, like a hungry and desperate child. there’s just one left in the packet, groaning, but madison lights it up anyway.

god, it feels so nice infiltrating her body, madison sighs in pleasure at how much she missed the toxicity of the blunt. there were no cigarettes in hell - madison thinks that’s the longest she’s ever gone sober.

however, her moment is short lived when the door to the bedroom slams open. it nearly has madison dropping the cigarette from her fingertips, and she accidentally inhales the smoke at a quick pace. she almost gags.

“were you gone for so long that you’ve forgotten you’re  _ not _ allowed to smoke in here?” zoe’s voice is like a cutting edge right through her. it’s definitely gotten lower, of course, madison can see she’s no longer a cowardly teenager. but, neither is she anymore. 

madison smoothly exhales the excess smoke from her lungs to the side, tired eyes peeking up at zoe, who stands with her arms crossed in the doorframe. she hates how she misses zoe’s blatant yelling.

“maybe.” madison shrugs, tapping the cigarette so that the ashes fall to the wooden ground. if they burn holes through the floor, madison wouldn’t notice. “can’t remember.”

it’s an obvious lie. the image of zoe from all those years ago, waving a finger in her face, constantly telling her that smoking inside will increase their risk of death is so clear in her brain that it aches. it isn’t like she can just say that to zoe, though.

madison speaks again. she doesn’t know when she’s gained this sudden confidence, this desire to be so pushy. but then again, madison’s always been pushy. “is this your ‘welcome home’ gift? because i totally feel at home.” her snarky response has zoe scoffing.

“you really think you deserve one? after all the shit you’ve done?” it seems like zoe’s holding back a laugh. madison doesn’t know what’s so funny, or why zoe’s suddenly being so mean to her. 

then it hits her. of course, zoe only knows one version of madison - the bitchy, bratty, ‘steals your undead boyfriend,’ kind of madison. any other type would’ve been whisked away when mallory rear ended the antichrist and reversed the timeline. so it makes more sense to madison now, the way zoe is acting and treating her at this moment. 

it makes madison upset, really, but more angry than sad. it isn’t zoe’s fault that she doesn’t know, but to go out on a limb and completely ravish madison’s character just feels so demeaning, especially coming from  _ her _ . it hurts more. 

“do you ever shut the fuck up?” it slips from her mouth before madison even registers it. she was supposed to be a changed person, now. but like her earlier realization - people never  _ do _ change. and she guesses, reluctantly, that includes herself as well. only madison would fight fire with fire. 

and she regrets it wholly when zoe storms out the room in shock. 

xx 

madison only really sees zoe when it’s nighttime, when she soundly trudges back up to their shared room to sleep. 

it’s not like madison has a place and purpose in the coven, even when cordelia offers her a spot in the council, which she denies and denies because she’s just not  _ suited _ for that kind of shit. so she spends the entirety of the days, even the weekends, holed up in her room, trying to get her old iphone 4 to work because she literally does not have any other device to keep herself entertained. madison would also rather drop dead than to interact with anyone else downstairs.

but it’s now, after her horrendous dispute with zoe, that has madison perching on her bed every time when the sun starts to go down and the clock hits eight pm.

she wonders if she’s always felt like this, grasping for any sliver of attention that zoe gives her, madison can’t remember a time where she had, but it feels too normal right now, the way she wishes for her to come back, for zoe to just fucking  _ realize _ she’s not that same girl anymore, despite her outburst last time, she’s grown. 

zoe does come back, she always does, and even when she’s full on pissed at madison, perhaps even hates her with her full guts, madison’s still sensing that rush. 

“i’ve changed.” madison whispers into the dark, when zoe’s gotten all ready for bed and is so deep in her covers. the silence is shameful, madison isn’t quite expecting an answer back, but she just wants zoe to listen. “the shit you see in hell, it changes people. and it’s not like i begged mallory to bring me back, either.” the words seeps through her veins so carelessly. 

there’s no indication that zoe hears it, but madison prays that she does.

xx 

madison doesn’t notice just how bad zoe ignoring her takes a toll on her. it’s like she’s losing a one sided battle with herself, and just how recently zoe’s validation means so much. 

she shouldn’t, she  _ can’t _ , because it’s zoe fucking benson. madison knows she can’t possibly have feelings for this girl. this same girl who betrayed her, who didn’t care, who stole her way out and addiction - albeit she  _ died _ by kyle’s hands, he was still a good distraction. 

but madison likes familiar things. her cigarettes, the coffee she drinks, shampoo brand. hell, she even rearranged her side of the room to how it looked like before she died. 

zoe is  _ the _ familiar thing, it’s almost too intense for her to wrap her head around it. it completely washes out everything else - so suddenly the cigarettes, the coffee, the shampoo, all of it seems so irreverent and incompitent. 

and like that, madison hopelessly falls into the cycle once again. 


End file.
